script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.haloscan.com/load/thekaostheory"> The Kaos Theory: April 2005

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Homerisms, actually a Margism


 Posted by Hello
Just was watching a Simpson's episode where Homer decides to become an inventor. One of his inventions was a shot gun make-up dispenser. He ends up firing a point blank shot at Marge's face creating, well its hard to describe until Marge pipes up and says. "Homer, you got it set on Whore." I couldn't help myself. I just about pissed my pants for some reason. I guess you have to see the show and be bent like me.
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Sunday, April 17, 2005

Dr. Sanity: Narcissism and Society - Part II

Dr. Sanity: Narcissism and Society - Part II: "Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.'"
This is quite interesting. I've never deleved into the pyschology of party affiliation but this was quite a read.
Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."
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Saturday, April 16, 2005

Mark Twain Quotes


 Posted by Hello
I was just surfing around waiting for breakfast to finish cooking when I found a page compiling quotes from Mark Twain. Some of my favorites.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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Historic Darwin Award winners


 Posted by Hello
Darwin Awards: 1994 Darwin Awards
You just never know.
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Friday, April 15, 2005

The Eight Dwarves


 Posted by Hello
We've all seen this during our lifetime. You're driving down the road and you'll see the crews working on some public works project be it the gas company, cable company, dept of transportation workers etc. Have you ever noticed there are always 6 or seven of these guys standing around with shovels looking at the one guy in the hole. He's the only one doing any work. Well I have picture proof. First you've got 2 of them futzing by the lip, one flanking them on either side as well as one driving the tractor. At the right and left edges you can barely makeout 2 more dwarfs. That EIGHT workers to unearth 8 inches of soil in a 4 X 4 area. You wonder why our utility and cable bills are outrageous.
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Thursday, April 14, 2005

How to get fired in fifty easy lessons

the Phat Phree - Features
This is ironic since I just got RIF'd(reduced in force). I should have thought of these myself. After May 2 I'll have plenty of time to think about such things.
Some of my favorites:

43. The Switcheroo
Repeatedly change your boss' homepage to farmgirls.com, and then put a repair request into the IT department from his email.

35. The Health Plan Brunch
When the company is having a doughnut brunch to explain their new health insurance plan, ask, “So, which STDs are covered by this policy? Does a new outbreak of herpes count as a pre-existing condition? What if it's a form of hepatitis that is not currently found in the USA, but you can only get it from Russian prisons and Malaysian teen prostitutes? You know, that kind that causes the pus blisters on your hands? What would be my deductible?” Then touch everybody’s doughnuts.

29. The Skeptic
Anytime you are in a meeting, raise your hand and and ask your boss, "What makes you so smart?" or "How’d you figure that Einstein?" or "You come up with that all by yourself, champ?"

26. The Diaper
Brag about how much more work you've gotten done since you started wearing Depends. Lie down on top of your desk and change yourself periodically throughout the day. Talk to yourself in the baby voice while you do it, "You are a good boy. A BIG boy too. Look at you." Leave the soiled diapers in your regular trash.

11. The Come On Down
Bring a little television into your cubicle and watch the Price is Right everyday, cheering loudly. Be sure to call bullshit when you guess wrong, and insist you could get that item cheaper at any grocery store in America.
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Lame Duck or Not?

Why are people so concerned about the Presidents job approval rating? He can't run for a third term so why all the handwringing? He has a majority in both houses so I think the term "lame duck" doesn't apply to this President. When was the last time the Democrat party had control of both the Senate and house? I think if the party in power has control of the house and the presidency, this tends to make the occupant of the oval office more likely to be labeled "lame duck" due to the balance check from the Senate.
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Sunday, April 10, 2005

Soccer Epihany


 Posted by Hello
While waching the English Premier League soccer highlights today I noticed a unusual phenomenon. If you score a goal, it is the prerequisite of your teammates to hinder you from celebrating said goal and pummelling you into submission.
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