script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.haloscan.com/load/thekaostheory"> The Kaos Theory: How to get fired in fifty easy lessons

Thursday, April 14, 2005

How to get fired in fifty easy lessons

the Phat Phree - Features
This is ironic since I just got RIF'd(reduced in force). I should have thought of these myself. After May 2 I'll have plenty of time to think about such things.
Some of my favorites:

43. The Switcheroo
Repeatedly change your boss' homepage to farmgirls.com, and then put a repair request into the IT department from his email.

35. The Health Plan Brunch
When the company is having a doughnut brunch to explain their new health insurance plan, ask, “So, which STDs are covered by this policy? Does a new outbreak of herpes count as a pre-existing condition? What if it's a form of hepatitis that is not currently found in the USA, but you can only get it from Russian prisons and Malaysian teen prostitutes? You know, that kind that causes the pus blisters on your hands? What would be my deductible?” Then touch everybody’s doughnuts.

29. The Skeptic
Anytime you are in a meeting, raise your hand and and ask your boss, "What makes you so smart?" or "How’d you figure that Einstein?" or "You come up with that all by yourself, champ?"

26. The Diaper
Brag about how much more work you've gotten done since you started wearing Depends. Lie down on top of your desk and change yourself periodically throughout the day. Talk to yourself in the baby voice while you do it, "You are a good boy. A BIG boy too. Look at you." Leave the soiled diapers in your regular trash.

11. The Come On Down
Bring a little television into your cubicle and watch the Price is Right everyday, cheering loudly. Be sure to call bullshit when you guess wrong, and insist you could get that item cheaper at any grocery store in America.
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